Author: bjsenser

My name is Brittani Senser. On February 6th, 2019, my beautiful daughter, Aria Joy, completed suicide. She was 13 years old. I am a single mom and she is my only child. My background is in Mental Health. I have my Master's in Clinical Social Work. Since Aria's passing, I have done a lot of research on suicide. Suicide is now the 2nd leading cause of death between the ages of 10-24. I'm finding a lack research that focuses on NEW triggers that may be linked to suicide attempts or completion among this age group. I've never really been a writer. I sang for a long time but "writing" was never one of my strengths. But, I have been praying a lot lately and the word "write" has been on my heart. I have been writing in my journal, but really how does that elicit the change that I want to see in suicide research? With this blog, I WILL CELEBRATE the LIFE of Aria Joy, humanize suicide, and hopefully, promote action that will change how we approach this growing epidemic. With a little of me sprinkled in. Grief is not what I expected it to be. My experience thus far could only be described as, empty. I haven't had the big "movie" break down that you see when someone loses a child. There is guilt that comes along with that. I still feel very much in denial. It doesn't feel real. All I know, is that I miss her terribly. People ask " how are you" ( which is a terrible question to ask btw). How can I answer that? I know it comes from a good place, so I just say " second by second" because "day by day" seems too long. I literally think moment to moment, because I can't handle processing a life "long term" without Aria. It's too much. Please bare with me as I try and figure out this whole Blog thing. I hope this to be an interactive blog, where we can have difficult but important conversations. Aria passed on a Wednesday. I have hated Wednesday's ever since. I've decided I will post every Wednesday, to start. Hopefully, it will begin to change my feelings about this particular day of the week. It also looks terrible, so anyone who can help me make it look better, I'd really appreciate it. God Bless, Brittani Senser

“What a beautiful thing”

I sent a text message to all of bugs family members, asking for memories and photos to share with the blog for this week. I figured last week was heavy on statistics. Aria is more than a statistic. She was full of life and love. Most of the people who read this blog know that. … Continue reading “What a beautiful thing” →

Identity vs. Role Confusion

This weekend was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. On Sunday evening, I text my boss and told her I needed a "mental health day" on Monday. She of course, granted it. By Tuesday, I was well rested and ready to start my week. My first client comes in and I can tell she's distressed. We … Continue reading Identity vs. Role Confusion →

Target

I never knew that Target would be one of my "triggers." I didn't realize until I was walking down each isle and it hit me. I was no longer shopping for two, but for one. Target was my one-stop-shop. I get my food and all other necessary and unnecessary items from there. The once heavily … Continue reading Target →

Billie

I had planned on writing about something different this week, however, I have to touch on the Billie Eilish video. Aria sang that song, Hostage, by Billie Eilish on Saturday, February 2nd, 2019. Four days before she passed. I posted a video of that performance on my Instagram. Along with a paragraph explaining how proud … Continue reading Billie →